He looks like a poster child for the anti-drug campaign, “Say No to Crack Babies.” His daddy was a drug dealer and his mother was Whitney Houston, though she gave birth to him secretly when she was supposedly on her “3rd” run at rehab, paying a nurse to pass him off as her own. The nurse, desperate for a score one day, unwittingly traded him back to his own father for vial of crack and a sixer of McNuggets. His father had hoped to sell him on the black market for a nice little profit (they pay more for the white ones) but something came up and he needed a baby to help some traffickers pass off as a family in order to smuggle a large shipment of coke across the border. Soon little Baby Cracker (Rico who cuts the stuff was real proud of coming up with that name) became a fixture on the scene, raised by the prostitutes and pimps and dealers who adopted him as their very own. Unfortunately, the crack his mother smoked while he was in the womb left him quite mentally deficient, but his surrogate family taught him well and he could smack them hos like a champion. After his father was killed by an undercover cop in the middle of a bust, Rico got him a job working the door of a seedy strip club in New Orleans’ French Quarter. He’s the best doorman the club has ever had, as he can say “I’ll fuck you up” in 12 different languages, and his crazy eyes really freak out anyone even thinking about starting trouble. Whitney showed up once and not knowing he was her son, offered to suck his dick for crack. Instead, he smacked her up real good and sent that crazy bitch on her way.
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He looks like one of those guys who to call him a "retard" would be an insult to the actual mentally challenged, because to be fair, they can't help it. Curtis, on the other hand, honestly believes he looks and sings like Justin Timberlake (his mom told him so). He and his friends drove from their hometown of Gibsonton, FL to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Curtis's best friend, Scabby, got it in his alcohol-marinated brain that the guys "could get some mad pussy" by telling all the girls that Curtis is Justin and they're his back-up singers. It should be noted that Scabby's hi-larious catch phrase is "I done drunk myself reetarded." (Scabby proves himself right several years later when he's killed in a game of Russian Roullette...with an automatic. Fortunately for the gene pool, his girlfriend miscarries.) Despite the insane amount of alcohol, Ecstasy usage and poor judgment that routinely occurs at Mardi Gras, no female there believes he's really Justin Timberlake.
He looks like Zach, the guy with an overprotective mom, who is not allowed to drive his 1982 Totota Corolla further than the next small town. So while his friends were at the real Mardi Gras in New Orleans, he could only drive to the Galveston celebration. He came prepared with gobs of beads to throw at all the topless girls, but found that the only woman willing to whip out her boobs was still his mom.
I see his hands...but what's he hiding under that hat??
This is a picture of Billy "Fingers" Johnson. He is a ninth grader at Longfellow High School.
More than anything else, he wants to be feared by the other kids in school. He has lived his entire life vicariously through old black and white gangster movies featuring Edward G. Robinson and Peter Lorry. Due to the fact the censors did not allow curse words to be used in old movies, Billy "Fingers" has never learned the proper use of them when trying to make threats at his fellow ninth graders. He says things such as, "Why I oughta.............", and, "Why you.........", when trying to threaten others. He is always threatining to 'give you the back of my hand', as is shown in the above picture, usually for no apparent reason.
As the students were leaving school one day, a sixth grader was standing behind a large oak tree, and tripped Billy "Fingers" as he walked past. He jumped up, and said, "Why you........", "Why I oughta.......", "I'll give you the back of my hand", and raised his hand as in the picture above.
He was beaten mercillously by the sixth grader. Two fifth graders came by, grabbed his hat, and played 'keep away' after the incident, throwing his hat back and forth, while Billy "Fingers" jumped frantically in the air trying to get it back from them.
"where's my money ho?"
With Mardi Gras a little more than 2 weeks away, this was a particularly fun read for a New Orleans girl.
He looks like the 'real' Calogero from "A Bronx Tale" demonstrating what he REALLY did to the nice black girl he met.
Now there is clear documentation that Robert DeNiro as a teenage was the actual creator of the Robot craze.
This air theif should have been wiped on the curtains!
Hey - Macarena!!!
A lover of all things 80's, Freddy never was very good at doing "the robot".
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