Monday, June 13, 2005
He looks like after the fruit punch from his cousin's bar mitvah took its toll on his bladder, he stumbled into the wrong bathroom stall where he found a couple of burned out Wall Street brokers doing lines for stress relief. They asked him, "Hey kid, do you party?" and he was like, "Yeah" and they were like, try this. And all of a sudden, life was soooooo good and the next thing he knows, he's waking up behind the wheel of someone's Lincoln Towncar with the hood crashed into a Jack in the Box drive thru, a dead hooker in the backseat, an empty glock in his lap and $50,000 in bloody cash spilling out of the glove compartment. On the positive side, his cousin did mention that he did a wicked version of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" on karaoke that night before he tossed the DJ through the plate-glass window.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
He looks like Mark McGrath but with a smaller penis. His friends call him Chill and his claim to fame is that night he got so drunk, he flattened a neighbor's parked Miata with his Bronco and didn't realize it until the cops showed up the next morning to inquire about why his truck was parked in the community pool. His favorite actress is Tara Reid. Yeah, she's a good actress.