Thursday, December 23, 2004

Christmas


Posted by Hello

21 comments:

Sean said...

"What difference does it make which of us wears the hat with the horns?"

"Antlers, dear, they're called antlers."

"Whatever. Why do you always get so sensitive about this? Ever since I got tenure you've been avoiding me at work. Don't think everyone in the department hasn't noticed."

"Only males have antlers. That's all I'm trying to say."

"You don't find me attractive any more do you,"

"Wha- What? Now honey, of course I do. That's nonsense."

"No you don't. You don't think I look the way a woman is supposed to look and you feel threatened by the fact that you got passed up for tenure and I didn't. If the ANNNNTLERRRRRS are on my head, that must make ME the
alpha- and where does that leave you?"

"Look, you're raising your voice and now the kids are upset."

"No - they're upset because that leaves YOU in the submissive role, which runs counter to the dominant male stereotype that props up the conservative American worldview we've allowed them to adopt."

"Why can't you leave this stuff at work?"

"Why can't YOU get published? I'll tell you why. Because your rhetorical style is flacid and you aim too low. 'Reframing the Progressive Adjenda'? What kind of neurolinguistic programming crap was that?"

"Honey, calm down. Remember what our therapist said about your control issues, especially when it comes to family and the holidays."

"You know what? Fuck it, Steve. If you want to prance around with a big "I'm a Man" sign on your head that's FINE with me. But this is MY family and I actually RUN this shit. Get down there on the floor. Don't trip over your huge penis. No, down lower, on your knee, Big Antler Man. I'll show you a thing or two about dominance."

"Why are you sticking your hand down my crack WHOOOOAAAAH hey that's not-"

Photographer: "Smile if you can whoop daddy's ass."

"wh-"

[click]

Pisser said...

Dorothy "Do" - a deer. A female deer.

Ray - a drop of golden...he likes water sports.

MiMi - also enjoys pissing her pants. Teacher lets her go home early when she does it and Mom makes her cookies.

Farley - a latent bedwetter. Likes to ride "horsie" on Daddy until his slipped disc acts up. Farley is also the main reason for Daddy's testicular hernia.

Anonymous said...

sooo...the Dingleberries 2004 Christmas card...

NO, your kids AREN'T particularly cute, gifted, or even pleasant to be around for more than 10 minutes... and the two of you look like a couple of jackasses it those goofy hats... way to waste a stamp.

Anonymous said...

she looks like the lady in the next cubicle who just got a present from several more ladies in the cubicle. She has a lot on her mind, her car payment, her mortgage, her boyfriend's drinking problem. But somedays she likes to say forget it lets have a good laugh.

LeftHandedWriter said...

They look like deer.

Anonymous said...

the guy on the right looks all surprised. kinda like a deer caught in headlights.

Dr Tim said...

They all wondered why they won the "monkey's uncle" lookalike contest.

Anonymous said...

He look like....the photo studio guy wanted to be included in the raindeer games so he photoshopped his picture in.

Anonymous said...

Hey where's Rudolph???

Anonymous said...

I hope they don't wander into the meadow during hunting season!

Anonymous said...

Great-gramma Jones took one look at the new Christmas card and sighed, "Oh, no, now little Jimmy is going to grow up and be an asswipe just like his Dad."

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