She looks like a housewife who loves asking her friends, "What would Jesus do?" and then cackles like it's the funniest thing in the world. But she's serious. This woman loves God, and kittens, and her husband Dan, whom she married out of high school and they just love each other to bits and pieces and forever and ever and ever and she is so fulfilled in life that every day, she praises the Lord for all the beauty and happiness He has blessed her with. Hallelujah! Nevermind the fact that she doesn't know yet that Dan gave her the clap years back from a whore he fucked one night while he was out with the boys in Memphis, and her insides are so shot that THAT'S why they haven't been able to conceive. And when asked about why there's a roll of toilet paper on the bed, she explained, "Oh, the toilet's broken so we've gotta do our business out in the backyard until Dan's paycheck comes in next week and we can have the plumber come out. But ya know, this is God's will I guess. What would Jesus do, right? HAHAHAHAHAHA. " While behind her, her husband pantomimes taking out a gun and shooting himself in the head.
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Note the NASCAR nuance. That's Dan's hobby that he's sucked her into, because it's like Days of Our Lives but on Sunday and with only guys. She got turned on to scrapbooking by her best friend Laverne a couple of years ago (a couple of years after it jumped the shark) and goes on weekend-long scrapbooking binges, where she trades church casserole recipes with all the other married ladies. That's where this picture was taken, after they'd had a couple of watermelon-flavored wine coolers. She secretly does wish for children, but doesn't know about the clap from Dan because she spent summer between junior and senior year of high school working at a truck stop as a "waitress." Who made additional money off the side by, um, entertaining guys in their trucks for $10 a pop. Or $50 if they wanted the royal treatment, as she liked to call it. She figures she picked up the disease during this period. But then she found Jesus. He came at her from all sides - from one of her regulars in the form of a Michael W. Smith cassette, another waitress who gave her a lovely floral-covered Bible, and an event she has told nobody about, ever, that happened one morning outside a Wal-Mart. Dan was in her nondenominational Bible study, and it was a match made in Heaven.
I want a watermelon-flavored wine cooler...is that bad? :/
Is it a gateway drug for whatever this woman is on...?
Oh, help me, Sweet Baby Jesus!!
She looks like a young urban professional getting her costume and props together for a "White Trash" costume party. She's prabably calling this character "Loretty" or "Peaches" and is practicing saying words like "y'all and "catfish." Although the cigarette and baby are fake, she might have a very real problem with binge drinking. Have a great time, Peaches!
She was a crackhead back in the early 90s, but today she is clean and sober! Unfortunately, the crack did permanent damage to her brain, she thinks the doll she is holding is her real baby that she named, Chubby-cheeks McGee. She is always chewing on other people's old lollypop sticks, and she thinks that roll of toilet paper on the bed is her husband. She claims he is amazing in the sack.
She looks like some one who's brain stopped maturing at 6th grade, became a hobo, got raped, put in a special "home" and is now pretending to play "Mommy and House". Little does she know, she won't be pretending for long...
Thanks to the pain killing effects of marijuana, Missy suffers no pain from the injury she received last week in the regional finals of the arm wrestling championship.
First off, madam author you are amazing.
second off, to participate in the game:
She looks like she's a parent with a total lack of propriety in choosing costumes to take her prepubescent children out trick or treating in. The other parents on the block, especially those with infants, eye her oddly as she walks behind her children, yelling and whooping about how much fun everyone is having while the kids try not to trip on their costumes (the boy's the killer from Scream and the girl is the cheapest generic princess costume walgreens had left on their shelves last night). She just quit going to AA meetings a week ago and claims to be firmly "on the wagon. Her laughs come like manic karate chops to the throat. Their house is on a golf course, and while out trick or treating her husband is on it trying to convince their 17 year old neighbor that sodomy won't be taking her virginity.
She looks like her husband and baby were taken away on "Cops". Afterwards she went clinicaly insane and stole a toy baby from the trailer park next door. The makeup on her face is actually finger paints.
Warning. White Causasin woman escaped from mental hospital. This is the most recent picture of her. If you see her call the police. Do not try to apprehend; she is very dangerous. She has a disorder where she likes to run around half naked. And is attracted to Tp and kids toys..
or...
She is being taught how to go potty. Thats tinkles the peeing doll and we all know what tp is use for. She got a sucker for doing such a great job. Now all she has to do is pull he traing pants back up. "I'm a big kid now."
She looks like she is ready to be a real mommy. After her home state wouldnt condone her marriage to her half brother Josiah, they fled to the great state of Mississippi where its only considered illegal to marry someone of the same sex. They moved into a crummy apartment just above what they called colored folk. Josiah worked long hours at the local nuclear plant to try and make ends meet while "Princes" as she liked to be called stayed home and decorated the soon to be baby room. After months of trying for a child the two finally decided to go see fertility doctor. Princes was placed on fertility drugs in the hopes that this would increase there chances on making a future NASCAR fan. After a few months it was official, a baby was on the way and the two couldnt be more excited. Princes was hard at work thinking of names while Josiah saved up a little extra to buy his future child a ride along Tonka Truck. During his annual physical for the factory, the company doctor made a stunning discovery about Josiah. Not only did he fail his drug test but it seems that he was completely sterile. Later research found that a leak in Josiahs sector had slowly spilled nuclear gas into the air causing various side effects. Josiah was crushed but was still able to hold his head high knowing he had passed his seed on to the future. That was until he passed out on the delivery room floor after seeing his only child was blacker than Texas Oil. Currentally Joshiah is working as a Super in a local retierment home where his is able to live rent free as long as he doesnt complain about the smell. "Princes" can now be seen on various ameture porn sites promoting the fact that she only perfers dark meat.
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