Tuesday, April 18, 2006


They look like the Hartford boys of Plains, Kansas, who were all born within the confines of their parents' modest two bedroom farmhouse. Their father was affected by a deep-seated fear of hospitals and even deeper-seated belief that blacks, whom he often ranted were spilling out of big city places such as discos, whorehouses, police stations and hospitals, carried a contagious disease that caused wanton slothfulness and deviant sexual desires. Thus, he insisted that the boys be delivered at home by Dr. Sharper, the local veterinarian. This arrangement seemed to work out well when Gaylord (left) and Otis (right) were born, but when it was time to bring Laverne (2nd from right) into the world, the good doctor neglected to thoroughly wash his hands after treating the Grossman's sick piglet for dysentary, exposing Laverne to a bacteria that lead to what many believed to be mild mental retardation and what his mother believed to be a dire need to breast feed her youngest son well into his teens. Gaylord is 3 days away from being expelled from Central Christian College after his roommate, Josiah "The Xsperminator" Samuels turns in a surprisingly well-written paper with Gaylord's name on it, arguing that "blue-balling" is inherently unethical and providing a graphic two-page description of a woman's role in oral relations in proximation to a man's testicles (excerpt: MY BALLS/YOUR CHIN/I WANNA PUT EM ON YOUR CHIN, etc.).

The fourth young man at the table is Todd. Todd lives next door. Todd came over because Laverne told him they had an Atari. They don't have an Atari. Laverne just wants Todd to touch his penis.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

why, oh why do i only get to play this game once every four months??

These boys look like they are hatching a plan on how to do away with their over-bearing parents. The one on the left is surely the master mind behind the whole deal. The second from the left is too stupid to even understand what's going on...the two on the right believe that their real parents are aliens and that the beings in their house are body snatchers.

Anonymous said...

ah the joys of bible study on a friday night with your cousins. All the talk about god and the sexual tension.
what could be better!! Praise God!

justtrytobenice said...

Ah the joys of bible study on a friday night,with your cousins. All the talk about god and the sexual tension.
What could be better!! Praise God!

Anonymous said...

R.O.F.L.M>A.O.!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

R.O.F.L.M.A.O.!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

They look like the Kramer boys, Ken,Kurt,Karl and Keith of Orange Conneticutt.Ken,(front left)after earning a degree in marine biology,has just accepted a position at Woods Hole.This, his life long dream,has been pursued with a single minded ferociousness bordering on obsession.He always pays for sex due to his serious lack of social skills.An arrangement which suits his needs just fine.Keith(front right)thinks Ken is a genius and would emulate him (note sweater) further but for the simple fact that the only college that accepted him was community. Secretly considers fish to be "icky" but just the words "Woods Hole" are giving him strange and wonderful new feelings. Kurt(left rear)rides his skateboard all day long,can't wait til he's old enough to move out(maybe L A). Karl(right rear)can't wait til the other three are gone so it will be just him and mom. Intends to glom off her the rest of his life.

Anonymous said...

They look like sector 4A; the most powerful and highly coveted of a religious cult too secretive to be named. The styrofoam cups contain the daily dose of plasma fortifying proteins that have been positively charged and a substance they only call "life juice".They believe in the healing power of prayer, joy in the simple things, and masturbating to closed circuit television.

Anonymous said...

These are the Huntford boys. They, all four of them, have severe eye problems. Mostly, this is caused by their obsessive need to stare blankly at various objects for long periods of time. This severe disability has resulted in several lengthy lawsuits from men and women at whom these stares were accidentally directed.
The ratio of won to lost cases is actually rather staggering. With 15 lost cases and only 2 won, the Huntford family seems singularly unable to prove that their obsessive staring is actually due to an obscure medical condition called fixed ocular positioning syndrome, or rather, FOPS. Perhaps this is due to their mother, Mrs. Josephine Huntford, who is their primary caregiver since their father ran away after learning of his cousin’s third pregnancy, as she refuses legal counsel on the grounds that “those damned lawyers never did nobody not a lick of good.”
The fourth child, Henry George (seen here the second from the left) was conceived by a drifter who Josephine brought home after a night of heavy drinking. After all she says “what good is havin’ a home if you’re not willin’ to lend it out to your brother in need?” This ‘need’ was demonstrated when he screwed this woman from behind in a drunken stupor while her children looked on.
The first three children, Kyle Frank (far left), Charles Amy (far right), and Lyonel Jeremiah (second from right) were unable too look away as he had taped their eyelids shut and stuffed their heads in the spaces between the banister of the stairs. They’ve never truly recovered. Indeed, Kyle’s first intimate girlfriend remarked that “Kyle never seemed to want to do it face to face. It was almost like he didn’t now how. Like he thought men and women weren’t 'supposed' to face each other.”
In this photograph, all four of them are home for Thanksgiving. Both Kyle and Charles have come home from college and Henry is back from the all-gay boarding school he goes to (cleverly disguised as a school for the criminally disobedient). They’ve just sat down for a staring contest when mom decided to take a picture. The flash set off their FOPS and now all of them are stuck staring at the place where their mother had been, uncannily there is a small dark stain on the carpet there from the first time Lyonel popped a girl’s cherry.

Anonymous said...

They Look Like...
They just finished their weekly Dungeons and Dragons club meeting, and are waiting for mom to leave the house for groceries so they can take turns masturbating to the Bra Section of the Sear's Catalog that came in the newspaper.

Anonymous said...

They are all trying to win the WCKTSCTUTA ("Who Can Keep The Stick Clenched Tightly Up Their Ass") award. Theodore, to the far right, was last years state champion. His brather, Mortimer, to his left, is the years biggest contender.

Mac said...

This looks like the band Devo sitting around the table waiting for dinner to be served before a big concert gig.

WHIP IT GOOD!

Anonymous said...

The Monroe High School chess club is very angry. The upper parking lot stoners are constantly tormenting them with verbal abuse and racketeering shakedowns. They are in the process of deciding what form their retaliation will take. They are hopelessly deadlocked in a two-two tie. Two votes spitwads, two votes water balloons.

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Mr Bad Example said...

The local meeting of the Dungeons & Dragons Appreciation Society takes a Kool-Aid break before resuming the debate on whether or not a "wand of Magic Missiles" is shaped like a .45 caliber pistol or "my thingie".

Anonymous said...

Every Wednesday, the the Miller boys get everyone together because everyone is afraid of them.
These former Amish teens are expereincing life outside the rigid confines of their weird parents. Delbert, second from the left, needs a new brain stem. Please donate your extra brain stems in care of "HeLooksLike.Blogspot.com

Thank you
Delbert (second from the left)