Tuesday, April 18, 2006
They look like the Hartford boys of Plains, Kansas, who were all born within the confines of their parents' modest two bedroom farmhouse. Their father was affected by a deep-seated fear of hospitals and even deeper-seated belief that blacks, whom he often ranted were spilling out of big city places such as discos, whorehouses, police stations and hospitals, carried a contagious disease that caused wanton slothfulness and deviant sexual desires. Thus, he insisted that the boys be delivered at home by Dr. Sharper, the local veterinarian. This arrangement seemed to work out well when Gaylord (left) and Otis (right) were born, but when it was time to bring Laverne (2nd from right) into the world, the good doctor neglected to thoroughly wash his hands after treating the Grossman's sick piglet for dysentary, exposing Laverne to a bacteria that lead to what many believed to be mild mental retardation and what his mother believed to be a dire need to breast feed her youngest son well into his teens. Gaylord is 3 days away from being expelled from Central Christian College after his roommate, Josiah "The Xsperminator" Samuels turns in a surprisingly well-written paper with Gaylord's name on it, arguing that "blue-balling" is inherently unethical and providing a graphic two-page description of a woman's role in oral relations in proximation to a man's testicles (excerpt: MY BALLS/YOUR CHIN/I WANNA PUT EM ON YOUR CHIN, etc.).
The fourth young man at the table is Todd. Todd lives next door. Todd came over because Laverne told him they had an Atari. They don't have an Atari. Laverne just wants Todd to touch his penis.