Wednesday, December 05, 2007

She looks like a beard. A big, bushy oh-your-dad's-gonna-be-so-pissed-that-he-paid-for-that-wedding beard.


zizzyb said...

She looks like she is happy she took that job at the mortuary. She never could get a good looking boyfriend in the past, but this guy was perfect--although a little stiff and heavier to hold up than she had expected.

Matt said...

She looks like a fag-hag. Yes, it's offensive and wrong, but it's admirably appropriate.

She has been stalking this particular boy ever since they met int the fouth grade. She's had a crush on him since then too. She was the first person he ever came out to. She was also the first person to hear about him losing his virginity to a twenty-eight year old car insurance salesman in the men's bathroom of a Piggly Wiggly. She was the person who took him to get his first AIDS test, and his first Syphillis test, and his first Chlamidia test, and eventually, his first condoms. She held him on those long, lonely nights when he would cry to her about how his boyfriend didn't love him anymore, on several occasions leaving dates of her own to be with him.

She's largely learned to ignore that little twisting feeling in her stomach that occurs whenever she sees him, or smells his cologne, or hears his voice, or thinks about him. She can even deal with him saying that he "would totally date her if she were a boy" and that he "loves her as a friend." She's totally fine with just being his shopping buddy and his 'best friend.' No matter that every time he says a boy looks cute, she gets a little curl of rage in her stomach.

No, she's fine.

Here, they're fooling around, as usual. They're doing their own "Abercrombie & Fitch" photo shoot, showing off their lack of clothing. She is pointedly ignoring the queasy thrill she's getting just by being this close to his naked body and once again is having mixed feelings about not being born male. On the one hand, she wishes she had been so she might be able to fully experience this lovely creature in her arms. On the other, she is very glad she wasn't, because her raging hard-on would have totally given her away in this situation.

As for him, he's developed a psychological blind spot in her case. No matter the countless hints she's given him, nor the many times he's caught her staring at him with a longing expression on her face, he will never evenn consider that it means something more than an odd expression. No matter how much she yearns for him, he will always be hopelessly obtuse to the fact.

Poor girl...

Poor, poor girl...

baggiegenes said...

He looks like he is so happy that when you are 15 all you need is an armband tattoo and a lot of hair product for the girls want to go out with you. He's also glad that the pretty shy girls have ultra conservative parents that avoid the sex talk all together. He's been able to convice her that oral sex is required of her every day or her might die of cancer, but that she can't tell anyone that because he doesn't want anyone to treat him differently if they know he's sick.

Life is so good right now he not even worrying about what will happen when he grows up and girls actually want a guy with substance (or the ability to grow body hair).

Yep, everything is perfect. Or at least it would be if he could just remember her name.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, post something!