8/25/04

8/24/04

He looks like he's a sensitive 35 year-old who is perpetually in grad school collecting degrees because academia is so much safer than being in the real world. He lives in a little studio apartment in the area of town where all the middle aged students live, sharing the same futon he's had since he was a freshman undergrad with his cat, Sparkles (named after Chris Elliott's male model pseudonym in "Get a Life," his favorite show). He wears Birkenstocks with socks year round, wearing argyle socks with his sandels when he's teaching. He has a platinum membership to Match.com and is perpetually listed there. Due to the plethora of divorced lonely women who browse that site, he gets laid a lot more than you'd think. He has no porn stash. And that's probably the strangest thing about him.

8/11/04

She looks like she's the den mother of a halfway house, and in this picture, she's teasing the folks by pretending to withhold the only stimulant these former addicts are allowed. She always does this, thinking it's funny but it's not. What she doesn't know is that even as this picture is being taken, the residents are plotting to kill her in her sleep, bury her in the backyard and go on a drug binge using the contents of her bank accounts.

8/10/04

He looks like he thinks every day is Renaissance Fair, and therefore, he has the right to wear the same thing every day. He'll drink a solo cup of water at a party that he wasn't invited to, tell everyone at the party that it's vodka, and be so Method with his acting that he truly believes he's drunk, passing out in a pool of his own mac n' cheese vomit. The last time he did this, some jocks stole his plaid pants and threw it up in some trees where it still hangs to this day. What they couldn't understand, was how he still showed up to school the next day, wearing the exact same outfit, and the exact same pair of pants.