He looks like a guy who grew up in the Pacific Northwest, in a psychologically functional (albeit, boring) family where the entire gang discussed current events at the dinner table and played Team Scrabble every Thursday night. He drove his family's wood-paneled station wagon from high school well into his early thirties, even after rust ate through the floors to the point that you could see the road whizzing by underneath from the comfort of the passenger seat. From early adolescence and on, he was a serial monogamist who perpetually dated hippie moon types who didn't eat meat, were morally opposed to shaving anywhere on their bodies, but were always willing to pose for brooding artistic nude photos which he still has in a shoebox in the back of his closet. Despite his Venusian love for the ladies, his need for independence prevented him from getting married until the age of 37, when he met a divorced botanist from Florida on a flight from Portland to Orlando; she was returning from her first cousin's funeral, and he was headed to the annual used book convention. He skipped the convention and they spent the next four days holed up in her apartment, discovering each other in every possible realm, with him proposing on the fourth with a twisted strip of black pipe cleaner serving as a makeshift ring. They were married in a small ceremony in the backyard of his family home in Eugene, Oregon, with his black lab, Charley, serving as both ring bearer and best man. They have a happy long-distance, bi-coastal marriage in which they talk on the phone every night and fly out to see each other once every two months (taking turns, of course). They have decided that, while they both love children, they would prefer not to have any of their own. While during the day, he works in sales for the largest organic fertilizer supplier in the US, his true passion is children's theater. He often donates his time and energy to staging short one-man sketches with messages of hope and perseverance to sick children at the local hospital. While his talent is questionable and his energy more than a little intimidating, the kids do get a kick out of his wardrobe, which shows off his quirky yet confident, cutting edge style. While some people may find his personality to be insufferably cheesy, others believe that he is the type of benevolent personality in which small-town communities are built upon. He's a Capricorn. Whatever that means.
4 comments:
He looks like he spent his childhood torturing small animals and setting fire to things. After spending his youth in various juvenile homes, he enrolled in the army, found God and opened a soup kitchen. He thinks he has a great sense of humour, but doesn't. People generally don't like him and always have the distinct feeling that he is about 10 seconds away from becoming completely unhinged. Rightly so.
He's an actor in community theater. When he was younger he was a real hottie and did very well with the ladies. Narcissistic tendencies led him to drama classes - that and the potential for bootie. But as he's aged, still beating the dead horse thinking he'll make the touring cast of Rent, his looks have begun to slip. He stopped getting the hottest chicks just after college when he was working at a coffeehouse and trying to start his own theater in an underpriviliged community (take your pick). He put lots of time and his parent's retirement money into it, but one of the community leaders embezzled the funds and left him paying rent on a useless cinder block building with no air conditioning. It devastated him and he became very depressed. Moved back in with his parents for a few years and took a job at a call center, where he'd get blown by coworkers in the parking lot. Eventually he settled into a management track job with a retail paint company, but he's still working at acting and hoping that someone will discover him in the local production of Our Town, and nuzzling up to the wives of the theater's patrons. His charm still works on the older married matron types. He looks in the mirror sometimes after one of his trysts in another ritzy hotel room and thinks about taking too many of his latest conquest's Xanax, and chasing it with champagne.
ponte a jalar!!!!
First word: 3 sylables...
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