She looks like she grew up in a small midwestern town, where her family became devout Christian Scientists after her father left her mother for the chain-smoking counter girl at the local diner, whose squinty left eye makes her kind of pretty in that haggard, been-around-the-block kind of way . Her mother in turn became a bitter closet alcoholic, spending the next three years wearing the same unwashed, mauve bathrobe around the house, cutting coupons and obsessively monitoring day time television for evidence that the gays and the Mexicans are taking over the nation. After three years of being lost at sea, her mother stumbled upon the good faith after seeing the church's ad in the local section of the newspaper; she quickly converted herself and her two young children. At the age of 12, she walked into the shed in her backyard and caught her older brother having sex with a respected town councilman (and father of the most popular girl in school); her brother had his face painted delicately with make-up and their mother's best Sunday dress crumpled on the floor around his ankles. She subconsciously swore off make-up, sex and overt gender-identification from that moment on. She was an average student and went on to study computer science at the local community college. She doesn't realize that her best friend from high school and on, Lyle, has always been hopelessly in love with her, and Lyle doesn't realize that he is, unquestionably, a homosexual. When asked to describe her, her coworkers nearly unanimously used the term, "nice," though one observed, "Sweaters. She has a lot of sweaters." She lives alone in a one-bedroom apartment two blocks away from her childhood home that does not receive direct sunlight. She has considered committing suicide 3 1/2 times in the last 8 months. Her favorite color is peach.
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I don't think I can outdo that one but here goes. She's an IT geek who, despite being the only female in her class, still couldn't get a date except for the time that the quiet guy with the "utility belt" asked her out. She said no because she thought it would ruin her chance with the (only slightly) inbred guy with the big shoulders who talked about his mother a lot and eventually dropped out of the class because he was needed back on the farm. She hates daytime television but she loves game shows so she spends her evenings watching 20 year old reruns of "The Price is Right" that she recorded on her Tivo from some obscure UHF channel. She fantasizes about Bob Barker because she heard in some internet chatroom that he, too, enjoys an evening watching "Little House on the Prairie" reruns while eating an entire guacamole pizza washed down with a 2-litre of Root Beer. She doesn't like to drink because when she does the room spins too much and it reminds her of the time her overprotective mother refused to let her go on the merry-go-round by herself when she was 9 and, instead, made her sit on her mother's lap while the other kids snickered. She likes her job because she gets to use the company's massive server space and T1 connection to download porn which she doesn't really enjoy but it gives her bragging rights among her male co-workers and that's the only way she can relate.
Julia, you'll be there when I get to hell, right?
Here goes nothing......
She is a girl who would use the term "happy" to describe herself, but deep down she wishes for a more fulfilling relationship than the one night stands that seem to plague her life. She hopes to one day find a guy who she will not have to get drunk to get in bed, and she wishes that just once her weekly one night stands would stay for more than five minuets after waking up and freaking out at what they just did.
So how big is this hell again?
Save me a seat!
She was the poor kid in grade eight who slouched and kept her arms crossed to hide the fact that she had to wear an undershirt while all the other girls had bras. She spent her free time counseling kids at summer camps and has never learned how to apply make-up. She secretly wishes she could win a spot on a makeover show and sees herself in a light-blue sundress, with upswept hair and two eyebrows, but she lacks the confidence to do this herself. She works as a veterinarian and prefers cats over dogs. She is actually waiting at her friend’s desk for him to get off the phone so they can go to lunch. Although she’s never had a real boyfriend, she’s a gas at parties. She always smells slightly of b.o. and caramel.
Tracey too? I'm sure glad hell isn't going to be lonely....
come on everyone, that's a guy!
she seems to be a nice and happy woman. I think she wants everybody around her to be happy. i dont see anything wrong here. Nice, but not my kind of woman
She looks like a product of Catholic schools and once considered becoming a nun but instead opted to stay at home and care for her crippled sickly father. Sadly dad passed on about 7 years ago but she maintains the house as if he were still alive even to the extent of keeping that stale box of puffed rice cereal [ that he never got to finish ] in the kitchen cupboard. Her best asset is her enormous jugs which she downplays by wearing bulky sweaters in dreary colors because after all pride is a sin.She never cooks for herself but picks up greasy take-out on her way home nightly. Every inch of the house is covered with cat fur.
is it a man or a woman?...no! BOTH!? in between surgeries!? My GOsH!
This is Jerry. Jerry had a hard time coping with the barrage of comments on his massive size and eventually the many comments of "Wear a Bra, Fatso!" got to him. He decided to grow out his hair and opted for the nose job. He is a size triple D and cries in sad movies. Jerry likes cats and in fact knitted that entire sweater himself out of the shavings of his old cat Fluffy. The bad job of coloring his hair is actually the fault of the faulty flourescents in the office. One day, one of them shattered right above Jerry's head. This resulted in the blond you see now. The program you see running on the screen is the latest installment in a series of programs Jerry is marketing called "Lose Weight Electronically!". He markets it by taking a picture of himself for the [before] fart and then substituting a picture of the girl he had always had a huge crush on in high school for the [after]. Suprisingly, there are actually people who buy these programs. He recently got off his braces...
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