Wednesday, January 16, 2008

He looks like Karl Thurman, son of Walt and Barbara, a proud man who's made a living solely off of volunteering for medical studies. He was one of the original pioneer test subjects instrumental in getting Viagra approved by the FDA, and his body's violent response to a mixture of red river mud and armadillo excrement allowed researchers at the University of Texas (El Paso) to determine that bathing the body in this solution to cure eczema is as scientifically ineffective as an old wives' tale.

Karl's last experiment involved testing a combination diet/male-pattern baldness drug, a drug that could help a man simultaneously lose weight and regain hair with one pill, like a Pantene 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner. Fortunately for the drug company, it was quickly discovered that the drug sometimes had the opposite effect of uncontrolled body hair growth and they halted the drug's development in search of other formulas. Unfortunately for Karl, his secret hobby of participating in local swingers parties was seriously impeded by the body odor which can be conjured up by a man with excessive body hair.

Karl has since retired from medical studies. He lives in St. Paul, Minnesota with his two pugs, Cagney and Lacey, running a local Help-U-Sell Ebay store while enjoying a colder climate which allows him to keep his body bundled up the majority of the time.

He still longingly cruises swingers websites out of nostalgia, and the only part of his body he still meticulously shaves are his pubes because it makes his junk look bigger. Just in case he should ever get over his body hang-ups and rejoin the bored, adventurous housewives of the midwest and the alternative-lifestyle accepting husbands who love them. Just in case...

7 comments:

jimmyvq said...

He looks like he is not just a member of The Hair Club for Men, but he is the Great Hazah, (which excites him because "hazah" is spelled the same way backwards). Hmm.

djnightowl said...

"Is Old Spice Hair & Body Wash for me?!?"

Sorry, but no-there are limits to everything...

Anonymous said...

On Thursdays, Liam would bring home inside a big, black garbage sack all the trimmings from that day's work at the dog beauty parlor where he worked. He spread the doggy hair on the kitchen floor, wiped himself from the neck down with Elmer's Glue, and rolled around in the hair, happily yelling "woof, woof." After that, he sat on the couch watching Animal Planet and scratching at fleas.

TheManOfNotts said...

looks like someone bound him(hand and feet), tarred him.....and through him angrily into a Velcro Factory...

then left him with YMCA playing loudly. Makeover and brainwash at the same time!

Anonymous said...

he look slike we have found the missing link and scientist thought it was so hard and here he is a living breathing sasquatch all along

mutuelle said...

He looks like he just came from another globe ,he's not sure if we are so friendly,...

john said...

you look sexy mennnnnn...

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