Thursday, November 03, 2005


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She looks like a sexy photo entailing a deep lunge inadvertently became a pivotal point in her life.

Suddenly, the rip in her universe where boys have penises and girls have vaginas paralleled the rip in her taint where unexpected testicles tumbled through, bringing upon her a lifelong limbo of gender confusion and a deep regret for every Jamie Lee Curtis joke she ever made.

"Look at it this way," consoled her best friend Charlie-Ann May while standing at a distance, careful to keep her mom's van between them, "At least now you know why you were always really, really good at softball."

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow! this site is back

Anonymous said...

"The Demons are in me! The Demons are in me!"

These were the last coherent words that escaped past Rachel Fudnugher's lips. It had been a slow slip into madness for the young girl, perhaps commmenced by her abnormal growth spurt at the age of thirteen. From the start to the finish of the eighth grade, Rachel grew a foot and two inches.
There were those that said that the slaughter of her beautiful hair was what started it all. After her growth spurt (and coincidental shame and depression) she decided that it was her long hair that made her look even taller! So, she asked to get it cut shorter. Unfortunately, the woman who was her hairstylist had been imported just that tuesday from the Phillippeans and couldn't understand english all that well. Thus, the hair all came off... with an electric razor.
Rachel was shocked. It was at this time that her diary entries grew ever more morbid. Here is a slight excerpt from that day's entry.

I told that little dog-eating b**ch that I wanted four inches taken off... FOUR INCHES!!! I think I'm gonna sneak over to her house tonight and take my four inches... From HER HEAD!!! I swear, if I... (incoherent scriblings) ... and nothing would be the worse. America has too many of those D*mned (offensive terms) anyway. We killed them once, nobody would care if I killed this one too!

Then, the clothing situation got to her. Unto this point, Rachel had always been impeccably dressed. Slacks, hosiery, a business suit, etc. But with her growth spurt, her mother couldn't afford to keep her in these expensive outfits. Therefore, she started getting castoffs. And these, she took to like a cat to water.
The final blow appeared when she learned that her mother was pregnant... again. This being the fourth child from her current boyfriend "Lenny", Rachel finally snapped. She began clawing at her crotch and screaming obsenities. Then, she ran into her mother's room and brought out the pistol. She was far too crazy to do anything with it, but it scared the girl's younger sister Charise enough to elict a call to the police.
She ran outside as the cars drove up. Her free hand was grinding obscenely at her crotch and the other was waving around with the pistol in it. There was an erie reddish light emitting from her eyes and a high-pitched squeal pealing from deep within her chest.
In this picture (taken just before the ultimate custody) an officer has just managed to pursuade her to put the gun down... her bared and gnashing teeth and animalistic pose, however; will keep the officers away for another twelve minutes before they work up the courage to arrest her and take her to Gunhul Hill (local psychiatric care clinic). She resided there until her death in 2003. She was torn apart from the inside out by a demon spawn... apparently, she hadn't been lying.

Anonymous said...

November 4th 2005. Screech finally comes out! Drag queens everywhere are horrified, they know this will only further tarnish their image. The hit queens are in the van laying in wait until the person with the camera leaves and they can finally rid the world of the principal belding loving confused teen who tried to cover his lut with false love for kelly, but we all knew where his desire lied.

Anonymous said...

November 4th 2005. Screech finally comes out!! Drag queens everywhere are horrified!! Their reputations are on the line, they will be tainted no more! The "hit queens" are in the van waiting for the photographers to leave so they can eradicate the problem. Finally the world will be rid of the principal Belding loving tart, he tried to fool us with the shroud of love for kelly, but we all knew where his wanton lust lied.

Anonymous said...

to hell with you all

Mac said...

Billy was the starting quarterback on his high school football team. He led the team to two state championships and won MVP honors in his senior year. He was a man's man. The chicks at school loved him and he was never without a date on Saturday nights.

Then it happened...

During the homecoming game pep rally the players dressed up as cheerleaders and the cheerleaders dressed up as football players. He found himself sexually aroused unlike he had been at any other time in his life. He knew at that moment that his life had been a lie. He was really a cheerleader in a football players body. For the rest of the season he wore red satin briefs under his uniform.

Later... He spant many years trying to get a spot on the community college cheerleading squad but they would never let him on. He would cry for days after every rejection and often spend the nights driving around the high school property in his van looking for jocks who would appreciate his cheers.

This night was no exception...

Anonymous said...

It was a far far bad choice to drink and fight... After gettinh her hair cut off in a freak siccor accident, she got drunk and in a fight with Big-Billy. Big-Billy punched her a little to hard in the stomach, makeing her inny... and outty.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry officer, I am really not a man!!! Wanna See!?

Anonymous said...

"I have to go peeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" famous last words

Anonymous said...

Jason Roghair, of Eden, Wyoming, loves to let it all hang out during the weekend. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the equiptment necessary for "hanging out".

Anonymous said...

"IT'S A GORMAN!!!" OH MY GOD I KNEW HE WOULD EVENTUALLY COME OUT OF THE WALK IN CLOSET WITH THE CLOTHES THAT HE'S BEEN DANCING IN FOR YEARS!!

Anonymous said...

ROCKY HORROR REVISITED!!!! He's a sweet transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania!

Don't let your Meat Loaf.

Anonymous said...

The sex change operation didn't go well.

Anonymous said...

Dude looks like a lady?

Anonymous said...

too bad i forgot what the photo was because the 'computer geek' finished creating the latest computer virus a bit early.