Monday, April 18, 2005


He looks like life is hard when you belong to the only white family living in a black neighborhood in Atlanta and your dad's a registered sex offender. Tired of getting his ass-kicked by six-foot tall 9 year-olds on his way to school, Jason decided he needed to go thug to earn respect on the street. He beat up the 6 year-old sisters of the 9 year-olds, got himself suspended for stabbing the Algebra teacher in the butt with spork and started wearing gangsta clothes. Unfortunately, his mom makes his clothes out of old tablecloth and his ride is a wood-paneled 1985 Chrysler Town & Country. Jason's life as a gangsta was short-lived after the spork incident, when he was sent to a juvenile reform program to be scared straight by a former gang member turned ex-con who painted an excruciatingly graphic picture of why convicts would love Jason's smooth, delicate skin and soft, tender lips. Today, Jason still gets his ass kicked by kids half his age, but he has gained invaluable self-perspective in knowing that 1. You shouldn't try to be something you're not; and 2. He never wants to be mouthfucked by a huge Dominican gang hitman named Chico who bought him for a toothbrush, a kazoo, some jerk-off mags and a box of Good N' Plenty's.
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24 comments:

Anonymous said...

He looks like he's had such a 'hard life' on the streets of Beverly Hills. He looks like his favorite movie of all time is Malibu's Most Wanted. He looks like the epitome of the word wigger.

Anonymous said...

he looks constipated

Amanda said...

He looks like he lives in a suburb of Cleveland. But him and his hommies are still keepin' it real. This is where he's trying to tell the cop that it is indeed real "bling" and not just gold plated. And also that, No, his shirt is not in the Martha Stewart 'Good Things' catalog.

Anonymous said...

No matter how hard he tried, Michael just couldn't get the brothers in the hood to believe his story about a wierd pigmentation problem.

Anonymous said...

he looks like he just graduated from clown college and is on his way to see his other clown homies.

Anonymous said...

...he's on his way to the new Funky Bunch tryouts.

Blog ho said...

he looks like that bad dream i have where my kids have turned out rappy and I now have to learn the rap language to talk to them.

Anonymous said...

Vanilla Arse and his homeboy Toby are out trying to score a dime bag of weed. After blowing 40 dollars on oregano, they give it up and go home to watch Wheel Of Fortune.

Anonymous said...

Johnny B, and Corey O. They're both 16 years old and they don't even have a license, not even a permit. Thats Jonny B's mom's car, they like to sit in it everyday after school and dream about the hard life that they both live and the rapper dreams that they have. Jonny B. every time he gets in the car, he says "one of these days I'm gonna jack this car and we'll leave and never look back, or until we need money again." That will never happen and he and Corey O. will never leave that small town and he wouldn't even get a car till they are 35.

Anonymous said...

...............................................................................................................................................................................................no.Hell no.................................................OMFG NO! Vanilla Ice finally got the little boy he always wanted: Chocolate Smoothie.

Anonymous said...

It looks like an early FUBU ad... gone TOTALLY wrong.

Anonymous said...

he looks like all the white kids at my high school that aren't rockers. REPRESENT!

Anonymous said...

He looks like Eminem at 16 when he picked Kim up. An hour later b4 they 'made' Haily.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone see the guy behind him with the african color sweat bands??

Anonymous said...

After a failed attempt to complete clown school, Ralphie couldn't seem to let it go. Stricken with grief he turned to a life crime with his gang of other rejects.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap! That's Andy Lawrence, doing what any of us would resort to doing if we were the younger brother of Joey Lawrence - becoming a gay white rapper. Evidently there IS something Joey Lawrence's Love Can't Fix For You Baby.

Anonymous said...

It's the B-RAD of Cleveland.

Anonymous said...

He is john cena before entering the "nut-cracking-head-slamming-fly-around-the-ring-show-off" business... he still tried to make up his cool costume only to find out only left was this curtain like dress made by his 89 yr-old grandma for his 16th birthday... to find courage invites his buddy for a ride and like "what-a-nice-dress" get up and decides to get a photo... only seconds later find criticisms from the neighborhood... poor john blames his grandma for not not making it "more-nice-to-look-at-rap-master-like-ghetto" when her grandma visit him later that night... in result he figured out to gain some weight and decided not to wear the damn thing for his debut at an amateur wrestling bout...

Anonymous said...

This is Michael Hayes but to his hommies he is Mike dawg and has that tatooed across his chest. He dropped out of school in the 9th grade and is now living with his single mom in the Smokey Hills Mobile Home Park with her other 4 children and his girl. Him and his hommies are out looking to "chill" with some brothas tonite, but every time they approach a group of black men,they kick their asses for being idiots and then da hommies go home and beat up their girls and drink a 40 ounce. The car they are driving is a Delta 88 that they say they stole but actually bought for 100.00 from the trailor park manager. The bling bling they have was actually salvaged from Michael's grandmothers' collection of hiddious jewerly after she died.

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Anonymous said...

OMFG!!! THAT IS MY LITTLE STEP-BROTHER JEREMY IN 4 YEARS...well that is AFTER he discovers the concept of acne wash and stops popping the 6,000 zits on his face. He thinks he's ghetto, drivin in his Grandma's car, even though he doesn't have a license, wearing a tacky ass shirt and jeans that show not only his boxers, but his ass, too!!