Monday, February 07, 2005



They look like Willis and Perry, two average American guys who have been best friends ever since the first week of freshman year, when they lived down the hall from each other. They were both hiding out in the shower stalls calling their mothers on their cordlesses when they simultaneously realized that the echoes of girlish sobbing weren't emanating solely from their own mucus-filled heads. They soon bonded over the fact that they both hated their respective meathead roommates, that they both wanted to major in pre-med or mechanical engineering or special events coordinating (Psych! There's no such major!), that they both preferred cashmere to wool, and that 500 thread-count silk sheets were the only way to go because they make your naked body feel absolutely DELICIOUS when you wake up in the morning. The two were often seen in the cafeteria line having punching contests or pulling each other into headlocks for no particular reason other than, "What? It's FUNNY." They were always the shoulder for each other to cry on when they couldn't seem to get girlfriends, because all the girls they met were too crazy, too prudish, too aggressive or just plain girly. Perry in particular, had a rough time getting dates because he would always jokingly refer to girls as bitches and hos, which he convincingly played off as an affectation of just another white boy who wanted to be black.

No one ever said anything when the two spent more time chasing each other around during football games in the quad, trying to slap each other's butts rather than actually playing. No one ever said anything when they synchronized their Halloween costumes with Willis' "Gay Punk Rocker" complementing Perry's "Gay Guido." No one even said anything when they got matching ass tattoos , with Willis getting "Joanie" and Perry getting, "Chachi," both claiming it was an inside joke (their friends just rolled their eyes). No one ever said anything until one day, the Portuegese exchange student who didn't know any better innocently asked, "You two do sexy together, yes?"

"We're best friends," said Perry, as equally offended as confused, while everyone within earshot avoided eye contact with him. Perry and Willis looked at each other, ready to laugh off the comment, when in that moment, like Adam and Eve just after biting into the forbidden fruit, something changed.

Whatever happened between them after that, no one knows. Willis showed up to class the next day with a black eye; Perry joined a frat and began dating and having wild exhibitionist sex with the hall whore who would take off her top for anyone who fed her enough peach schnapps. Neither ever spoke of the other.

20 years later, Perry, now married with 3 kids, would run into a girl who had lived in his hall during that fateful year. "What ever happened to Willis?," she would ask. "You guys were...tight."

"I don't know," said Perry. "Fag," he added, furtively under his breath.

"Excuse me?" said the girl, but Perry was already changing the subject to the wild boys-only cruise to Rio de Janeiro he was looking forward to taking in August with hundreds of past and present members of his fraternity. Shortly after she left, he hurried to his car and was seen sobbing into the steering wheel, his tears falling from his face and drenching his seafoam and mochachino Roberto Cavalli cashmere sweater as he dialed his mother's phone number into his cellphone.
Posted by Hello

42 comments:

bunny said...

Can't it be like Y Tu Mama Tambien, with at least one questionable shower scene???

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

He looks like the one I want! Come here Mr. Stripey Top! Woo Hoo!

Anonymous said...

Looks like it's always going to be "just the two of them"

Anonymous said...

Strike a pose bad boys -- like the Thinker, but poutier

Anonymous said...

they are thinking.."hmmm, where did that ky go?"

sapphoq said...

"dude, where's my shorts?"

Anonymous said...

i would say that they both came form broken homes. the asian boy was never loved by his father and largely ignored. his mother most likely tried to fill the gap resulting in an odly femenish demeanor in the boy. the other probably never got along with his dad, because when his dad was in grad school he realized that he and another male student were crying over homesickness in adjoining phone booths. after quikly becoming good friends they had a falling out over a homosexual commentmade by a passerby. ever since that incident, the father was never able to have a close relationship with another male.because of this he tried to show his son that the macho thing to do with other guys is to fight fight fight. unfortunately when the boy did bond with his friend ( in an oddly similar way to his father's experience) he didnt know how to act and began exhibiting homosexual tendencies, which to this day he ignores but secretly misses. although the one (asian)is missing in action, i would say that he either came out of the closet after that or at least pursued a homosexual lifestyle. the other boy who joined the fraternity has gotten married and had sex with many girls to try and rid himself of the dirty feeling he gets around guys, but i would say that all in all he would switch to butt plugging if the missing asian boy were to ever resurface.

Anonymous said...

maybe they came out of the wrong door to the closet....

Anonymous said...

The guy standing up looks like the bottom, the kneeling guy the top.

IsLifeLame said...

They look like they're part of another K-mart rip-off ad campaign mimicking a Calvin Klein meets Triple 5 Soul crossover, but in colour with a hefty dose of small town ambiguous metro-sexual clashing with big city university dorm. Thinking about what corner they saw those city sheep on cos both of them aren't from around here.

Nick said...

they thought if they took a picture depicting themselves of being gay they might not get in as much trouble for the double-team date rape they just committed on the girl taking the picture. "hey, she said she was into it."

Anonymous said...

Two struggling actors auditioning for a B-movie.

Anonymous said...

It looks like they had some cocktails while getting ready for a rave. Now, since they are all tipsy they can't figure out what to wear. They never actually make it to the rave. They end up getting speed and staying home to play dress up & take pictures.

Anonymous said...

I hate banner ads.

Santino said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Santino said...

It's 9 PM on a Friday night. Jin and John are about to hit the bars and clubs. Fresh from a shower and a shave, all they need to do is take a picture of their party outfits to see the perfection of their get-ups. However, after the first hundred photos that they take, they couldn't put their finger on what's amiss with their profile.

This 101st shot is the culmination of their hard work. They achieve the perfect fashion by covering the pimples on their chin and cheek...

BRDiC said...

No, your all wrong, Grog and Greg, just robbed the chinese laundry that Grog had been working at, now this laundry wasn't on Queens street, if you know what I mean, so the only semi fasinable items were a striped shirt and a pair of jeans...

Anonymous said...

No, the Willis and Perry story is accurate. Forgot to mention that the pic was taken by Willis' 14 year old sister when she busted them in her closet. Their stammered excuses.. "We were.. uh, er... we were just... ah" In order to keep little sis quiet, Perry had to hand over his beloved Aaron Carter autographed poster to her. Willis promised to replace it, but it slipped his mind. Perry continued to harbor feelings of resentment through the course of their friendship. By the way, little sis was so traumatized by this event that she later started wearing sweatpants and birkenstocks out to Lilth Fair concerts and to this today hangs out in eBay for long-lost Indigo Girls memorabilia.

Anonymous said...

Wondering what it would be like to be the gay Starsky and Hutch. Come on and give me a Huggie Bear.

Anonymous said...

They look like the gay community has refused to let them out of the closet.

Anonymous said...

Long Dong & Peter wonder why anyone would want to come out of the closet when it's so nice & cozy...

Anonymous said...

They look like Ed and Tim. They are two wannabe football players who like showering and smacking each other with towels just a little too much. Posing for this picture, they were really just trying for an excuse to undress in front of each other, hence the disgusting display of clothing strewn about. Tim (bottom) is really thinking of maybe locking the door and pushing stripping Ed (top) of his clothes to take what he will justify to himself as "Blackmail" pictures but which he will actually look at while he is alone for 'private time'. Ed is wondering if Tim will get as excited as he did the last time they got drunk and had one of these lovely picture taking sessions.

Anonymous said...

They look like they met while standing on line at a SubWay sandwich shop, probably in the Midwest somewhere, and they caught each others eye while musing on the phone with their mother.
It was magic when they both ordered the same thing; a Six Inch Meat Lovers sub and a large diet Tab or whatever. Later the two were spotted looking through the current issue of International Male; both coo-ing, oohh-ing and ahh-ing. "That's Hot" they squealed in harmony in their best Paris Hilton voices.
Later that night, they moved into the same dorm room, much to the surprise of their 'girlfriends'.
They then posed for this photograph and ended up using it as their 2004 Christmas Greeting card and Civil Union Ceremony announcement photo for the local newspaper, "We're here, we're queer, and we're after your rear!!!", the caption read. Campus security gave them away at the Committment ceremony. Their mothers could not be reached for comment.

Anonymous said...

They met over fabric swatches at Pottery Barn and it's been love and fashion ever since!

Anonymous said...

does anyone else hear a night at the roxbury song playing in the background?

Anonymous said...

Humm...i wonder how long i can stay like this....

Anonymous said...

The guy on the bottom is sooo HOT!!!

Anonymous said...

They look like a couple of packers

Anonymous said...

Poser patrol coming at ya!!!

Anonymous said...

Things that make you go Hmmmm!

Anonymous said...

Cool blog you have going here, I will check in often! I have a similar site about best home business idea
. It pretty much covers best home business idea
related stuff.

Anonymous said...

Yo, This blog is pretty neat. You should check out mine sometime. It pretty much covers make money online related stuff.

Anonymous said...

I am wiser on this subject now that I've read your blog.shopping online chicago More info here shopping online chicago

Anonymous said...

Came here searching for adult adult dating dating dating dating personals personals personals personals site site sites.info

Not a bad site you got here mate!

Check out mine
All about
adult adult dating dating dating dating personals personals personals personals site site sites.info

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I've got an on-line blackjack strategy site with some original articles related to black jack download that the visitors to your blog may find interesting - here's a sample article:

Eight Blackjack Tips to Win You More Money
You can, and will gain an advantage that will give you an edge in playing for long term consistent profits ...

black jack download


Thanks

Anonymous said...

San Diego is having a Hot Rod Halloween on Sunday, October 30. If you love checker auto part then you will want to be there! All kinds of checker auto part will be in attendance. For more information go to checker auto part
See Ya There!!

Anonymous said...

Hey! Stop by total gym

Anonymous said...

Wow, I really like this one. I have a website that talks mostly about make cash from home You should check it out sometime.

Webmaster said...

Read your blog on free ephedra free diet pill and thought you might want to review my site which includes information on free weight loss supplement. Thought you or your readers might be interested in some free weight loss pills.

Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a free pogo game site/blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

Anonymous said...

"I just came across your blog about real estate advertising and wanted to let you know that I am impressed with the information here. I also have a website with an added resource that pertains to real estate advertising so I know that your blog is fantastic. Continue with the great resource that you are providing to everyone on the Net!"

Blogger said...

Did you know that that you can generate cash by locking special pages of your blog or website?
Simply open an account on AdscendMedia and run their content locking tool.