Monday, February 07, 2005



They look like Willis and Perry, two average American guys who have been best friends ever since the first week of freshman year, when they lived down the hall from each other. They were both hiding out in the shower stalls calling their mothers on their cordlesses when they simultaneously realized that the echoes of girlish sobbing weren't emanating solely from their own mucus-filled heads. They soon bonded over the fact that they both hated their respective meathead roommates, that they both wanted to major in pre-med or mechanical engineering or special events coordinating (Psych! There's no such major!), that they both preferred cashmere to wool, and that 500 thread-count silk sheets were the only way to go because they make your naked body feel absolutely DELICIOUS when you wake up in the morning. The two were often seen in the cafeteria line having punching contests or pulling each other into headlocks for no particular reason other than, "What? It's FUNNY." They were always the shoulder for each other to cry on when they couldn't seem to get girlfriends, because all the girls they met were too crazy, too prudish, too aggressive or just plain girly. Perry in particular, had a rough time getting dates because he would always jokingly refer to girls as bitches and hos, which he convincingly played off as an affectation of just another white boy who wanted to be black.

No one ever said anything when the two spent more time chasing each other around during football games in the quad, trying to slap each other's butts rather than actually playing. No one ever said anything when they synchronized their Halloween costumes with Willis' "Gay Punk Rocker" complementing Perry's "Gay Guido." No one even said anything when they got matching ass tattoos , with Willis getting "Joanie" and Perry getting, "Chachi," both claiming it was an inside joke (their friends just rolled their eyes). No one ever said anything until one day, the Portuegese exchange student who didn't know any better innocently asked, "You two do sexy together, yes?"

"We're best friends," said Perry, as equally offended as confused, while everyone within earshot avoided eye contact with him. Perry and Willis looked at each other, ready to laugh off the comment, when in that moment, like Adam and Eve just after biting into the forbidden fruit, something changed.

Whatever happened between them after that, no one knows. Willis showed up to class the next day with a black eye; Perry joined a frat and began dating and having wild exhibitionist sex with the hall whore who would take off her top for anyone who fed her enough peach schnapps. Neither ever spoke of the other.

20 years later, Perry, now married with 3 kids, would run into a girl who had lived in his hall during that fateful year. "What ever happened to Willis?," she would ask. "You guys were...tight."

"I don't know," said Perry. "Fag," he added, furtively under his breath.

"Excuse me?" said the girl, but Perry was already changing the subject to the wild boys-only cruise to Rio de Janeiro he was looking forward to taking in August with hundreds of past and present members of his fraternity. Shortly after she left, he hurried to his car and was seen sobbing into the steering wheel, his tears falling from his face and drenching his seafoam and mochachino Roberto Cavalli cashmere sweater as he dialed his mother's phone number into his cellphone.
Posted by Hello

240 comments:

1 – 200 of 240   Newer›   Newest»
Jewels said...

They'd been so looking forward to the room makeover they had applied for on that HGTV show. They ran back to the dorm after their final class of the day to find this surprise makeover.

It appears the stylists on the show found their dorm room way too organized and anally-arranged, so they opted to give the guys a new, more laid back look.

Our boys are having a bit of difficulty adjusting.

bunny said...

Can't it be like Y Tu Mama Tambien, with at least one questionable shower scene???

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

He looks like the one I want! Come here Mr. Stripey Top! Woo Hoo!

Blakemon said...

They look like two guys about to "Come out of the closet", but are at odds as what to wear for this "Coming Out Party"....HMMMMM...should I wear the black leather pants with the blue silk shirt and you the tight Bluejeans with the Polo shirt....Now what to do for shoes?..........

Anonymous said...

Looks like it's always going to be "just the two of them"

Anonymous said...

Strike a pose bad boys -- like the Thinker, but poutier

Wounded Peacock said...

They look like the poster children for the "The Detrimental Effects of Smoking Too Much Crack!" Campaign.

Mr. nice one said...

they look like they just came out

Anonymous said...

they are thinking.."hmmm, where did that ky go?"

Anonymous said...

The bottom guy's saying,"what would my chink look like in a pink mink? Top guy's saying..... my ass looks so big for an asian!!!

sapphoq said...

"dude, where's my shorts?"

Anonymous said...

i would say that they both came form broken homes. the asian boy was never loved by his father and largely ignored. his mother most likely tried to fill the gap resulting in an odly femenish demeanor in the boy. the other probably never got along with his dad, because when his dad was in grad school he realized that he and another male student were crying over homesickness in adjoining phone booths. after quikly becoming good friends they had a falling out over a homosexual commentmade by a passerby. ever since that incident, the father was never able to have a close relationship with another male.because of this he tried to show his son that the macho thing to do with other guys is to fight fight fight. unfortunately when the boy did bond with his friend ( in an oddly similar way to his father's experience) he didnt know how to act and began exhibiting homosexual tendencies, which to this day he ignores but secretly misses. although the one (asian)is missing in action, i would say that he either came out of the closet after that or at least pursued a homosexual lifestyle. the other boy who joined the fraternity has gotten married and had sex with many girls to try and rid himself of the dirty feeling he gets around guys, but i would say that all in all he would switch to butt plugging if the missing asian boy were to ever resurface.

rev_ty said...

We know we are gay, and really want to come out of the closed, but we don't know which door to come out of.

constantcraving said...

When they met they were totally psyched to find out that they shared the name "Brian". They had no idea that as dorm roommates they would have so much in common until the night American Idol began. Both Brian's sat in front of the television staring intently and imagining themselves as the next American Idol. They began to formulate a plan to scrimp and save money working after class at the dorm's dining hall. They began shopping for clothes and just knew that soon they would have enough for the airfare to get them to the A.I. tryouts. This photo was taken by their suitemate who heard them practicing and changing haphazardly into a variety of outfits. He offered to help both Brians with choreography and pitch problems. Unfortunately, the dream fell apart when Brian #1 found out Brian #2 spent most of their airfare on his oh so cool striped shirt and haircut by someone named "Fabio". Sadly, they are now living in separate dorms. Brian #2 did get a better job after applying at a bank in his new shirt with his new haircut. He still practices their song in the shower when no one else is around.

Anonymous said...

maybe they came out of the wrong door to the closet....

Anonymous said...

The guy standing up looks like the bottom, the kneeling guy the top.

IsLifeLame said...

They look like they're part of another K-mart rip-off ad campaign mimicking a Calvin Klein meets Triple 5 Soul crossover, but in colour with a hefty dose of small town ambiguous metro-sexual clashing with big city university dorm. Thinking about what corner they saw those city sheep on cos both of them aren't from around here.

Nick said...

they thought if they took a picture depicting themselves of being gay they might not get in as much trouble for the double-team date rape they just committed on the girl taking the picture. "hey, she said she was into it."

Mandy said...

Two struggling actors auditioning for a B-movie.

Anonymous said...

It looks like they had some cocktails while getting ready for a rave. Now, since they are all tipsy they can't figure out what to wear. They never actually make it to the rave. They end up getting speed and staying home to play dress up & take pictures.

defone said...

Vogue strike a pose, I can't dance worth a shit!

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kaelle said...

They look like Josh and Johnny, two members of a boys band called Boys 4ever, which was very popular in...well, whatever.
Josh and Johnny had started the Boys 4ever band with two of their friends, Jake and Julian. Sadly, Jake died after a pepsi OD which destroyed his brain cells and Julian killed himself when he learned that the chick he had been going out with for a week said he wasnt good in bed.
After the tragic dissapearance of his two friends, Josh fell in a deep depression which caused the clothing disorder you can observe on the picture. But now, the Boys 2ever(they had to change the name) are back on track and ready to be again on the front of the scene. Their Second album is definitely more hardcore than their first, resembling very much to the punk singer Britney spears' debute album. Their new singles talk about decisively moving themes such as "No I wont take out the trash tonite" and "I like Cheese" feat. Christina Aguilera. their album, intitled "Look at me im driving a BM" is now available on amazon.com BUY NOW

~kimberly~ said...

They look like a Richard Simons wannabe & a guy who borred Mr Ropers shirt for the day.

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Chino said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chino said...

It's 9 PM on a Friday night. Jin and John are about to hit the bars and clubs. Fresh from a shower and a shave, all they need to do is take a picture of their party outfits to see the perfection of their get-ups. However, after the first hundred photos that they take, they couldn't put their finger on what's amiss with their profile.

This 101st shot is the culmination of their hard work. They achieve the perfect fashion by covering the pimples on their chin and cheek...

muckraker said...

Chino, yer right on the money, to which I add...John, tired of waiting around fer Jin to decide on an outfit, takes matters into his own hands and delivers one hella prefrontal lobotomy via wire coathanger to which Jin responds, "Dude yer so right, we gotta move or else all the good chicks will be taken."

Roxanne Schnukums said...

They look like the ambiguously gay duo, Ace & Gary!

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Lord_Gray said...

No, your all wrong, Grog and Greg, just robbed the chinese laundry that Grog had been working at, now this laundry wasn't on Queens street, if you know what I mean, so the only semi fasinable items were a striped shirt and a pair of jeans...

Amanda said...

No, the Willis and Perry story is accurate. Forgot to mention that the pic was taken by Willis' 14 year old sister when she busted them in her closet. Their stammered excuses.. "We were.. uh, er... we were just... ah" In order to keep little sis quiet, Perry had to hand over his beloved Aaron Carter autographed poster to her. Willis promised to replace it, but it slipped his mind. Perry continued to harbor feelings of resentment through the course of their friendship. By the way, little sis was so traumatized by this event that she later started wearing sweatpants and birkenstocks out to Lilth Fair concerts and to this today hangs out in eBay for long-lost Indigo Girls memorabilia.

Anonymous said...

Wondering what it would be like to be the gay Starsky and Hutch. Come on and give me a Huggie Bear.

MartiniMan said...

They look like the gay community has refused to let them out of the closet.

Anonymous said...

Long Dong & Peter wonder why anyone would want to come out of the closet when it's so nice & cozy...

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Updates! The public needs so much
mooooore!

Bone Machine said...

They look like the "winners" (for lack of a better term) of a reality show selecting a new Milli Vanilli for the 00's.

Wild001 said...

They look like they were visited by "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" but the fag 5... err Fad 5 forgot to clean their apartment.

Mis.GOssip said...

They look like two wannabe modles that are just trying to get in the business for all the cuties.Mr. Stripedshirt has a chance, sorry other dude,guess you'll be left out of the fun in the dressing room.

Matt said...

They look like Ed and Tim. They are two wannabe football players who like showering and smacking each other with towels just a little too much. Posing for this picture, they were really just trying for an excuse to undress in front of each other, hence the disgusting display of clothing strewn about. Tim (bottom) is really thinking of maybe locking the door and pushing stripping Ed (top) of his clothes to take what he will justify to himself as "Blackmail" pictures but which he will actually look at while he is alone for 'private time'. Ed is wondering if Tim will get as excited as he did the last time they got drunk and had one of these lovely picture taking sessions.

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Anonymous said...

They look like they met while standing on line at a SubWay sandwich shop, probably in the Midwest somewhere, and they caught each others eye while musing on the phone with their mother.
It was magic when they both ordered the same thing; a Six Inch Meat Lovers sub and a large diet Tab or whatever. Later the two were spotted looking through the current issue of International Male; both coo-ing, oohh-ing and ahh-ing. "That's Hot" they squealed in harmony in their best Paris Hilton voices.
Later that night, they moved into the same dorm room, much to the surprise of their 'girlfriends'.
They then posed for this photograph and ended up using it as their 2004 Christmas Greeting card and Civil Union Ceremony announcement photo for the local newspaper, "We're here, we're queer, and we're after your rear!!!", the caption read. Campus security gave them away at the Committment ceremony. Their mothers could not be reached for comment.

Anonymous said...

They met over fabric swatches at Pottery Barn and it's been love and fashion ever since!

Anonymous said...

does anyone else hear a night at the roxbury song playing in the background?

Anonymous said...

Hey, I don't care if they are fags (they are), one of them is HOT!!!!

Meg said...

They are both faggits, but still, one of them is HOT!!!!

Anonymous said...

Humm...i wonder how long i can stay like this....

Anonymous said...

The guy on the bottom is sooo HOT!!!

Anonymous said...

They look like a couple of packers

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Friday's result was the biggest first-day gain for a new listing in the US for five years.

Investors had more than quadrupled their money.

An analyst in New York with IPOdesktop.com, a website devoted to initial public offerings, John Fitzgibbon, said: "This one is the return to the internet bubble. Last time we saw a deal skyrocket was during the frothy IPO markets of 1999 and 2000."

Then came the post-mortem.

Some analysts said the internet search engine could have had an even better payday for itself if underwriters had sold the deal at a higher price to begin with.

"It looks to me like the underwriters should have had a better indication of the appetite for this stock than they did," said Donald Straszheim, president of Straszheim Global Advisors.

Investors were eager to own a stake in a company that many say could grow as dramatically as Google and is based in a country itself undergoing explosive growth.

But other analysts are not so sure the underwriters made a mistake, given that the company's shares were priced at a relatively high multiple of revenues.

"It wasn't priced out of line with the rest of the market. In a situation like this, you're dealing with the unpredictability of the after market," said Tom Taulli, of Instream Partners in Newport Beach, California.

At issue is the underwriting process. Banks selling shares to the public - in this case Credit Suisse First Boston, Goldman Sachs, and Piper Jaffray - are paid to use quantitative models to determine a fair price for shares, but also to gauge investor demand.

Underwriting has both subjective and objective elements, making definitive evaluation of a bank's performance difficult. In this case, demand for the IPO was evidently outsized, but so were the unknowns for the company.

"We don't know the potential impact of censorship in China, or how quickly the internet will grow there," said David Menlow, president of IPOfinancial.com. Had the IPO been priced higher and then fallen in the first day of trading, investors could have sued.

Baidu.com chairman and chief executive Robin Li, speaking on CNBC, said he was not upset by the potential lost proceeds of the IPO because the company had only sold a small portion of itself, and had significantly more growth ahead.

But University of Florida Professor Jay Ritter, an IPO expert, said Baidu.com left money on the table by introducing the shares at a level well below where they ended hours later.


Copyright © - 2005 Entireweb

=============================================
Office Suite

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